You Have Time, Mama

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Mama, I get it. You’re up at 5am with the baby. The dog is looking at you with begging eyes for that glorious scoop of kibble. The coffee maker has another 3 minutes before it’s fully brewed and your mind is already generating its to-do list for the day. It’s 5:15am and the adrenaline is already pumping.

Maybe you’re scrambling to get lunches packed, breast pump supplies washed, breakfast made. A shower? Oh yeah, that needs to happen too. Perhaps your sweet partner is still sleeping in bed and you think, “must be nice!”. Mama. Dear mama. I get you.

It’s redundant to say, “parenting is hard” because we hear it all the time. We feel it all the time. But what exactly is “so hard”?

I’ve spent years pondering over this and what I have arrived at is it’s so hard because it’s 24/7. And I don’t just mean all day. I mean all week. All month. Year after year and year. Your children’s needs are endless – physically, emotionally, logistically. It doesn’t matter if you’re home with them all day, they are in daycare or school, or even if you’re on date night. Their needs are on your mind 24/7 playing in a loop.

And they should be! These little souls really do need you. Your role in their life is critical to their wellbeing and growth. And it’s an honor, really! But mama, you can’t be a hero to your little ones year after year unless you make time for you. Unless YOU are good.  And not just good. I want you to be great.

So how do you become great?

Mamas, I have the secret. And it’s so simple it’s stupid really – because this solution is available to you today but feels so hard to attain. Ready for it…?

Make time.

Take a moment for yourself.  Make time to check-in with yourself and ask, “am I OK?”. Take inventory and contemplate, “am I on the right track to living my best life?” Reflect. Be quiet. Journal. Think. For once in your life, do nothing. Because doing nothing could just lead to your best life yet. I know this because it happened it me.

Because mama, I will give you some tough love here and tell you that you do have time.  How much time are you spending scrolling? Do you enjoy a solid Netflix binge like me? [how many times have I rewatched Parks and Rec?] How about that nightly glass of wine (or two or three)? Do you fall asleep to Netflix [I did]?

When I got honest with myself I realized that I do have time. Not much, but I do. For me, that time came in the precious hour or two between the kids going to bed and me passing out from near exhaustion from gritting through life day after day. And no wonder I chose scrolling, Netflix, and/or wine as my go to nightly ritual – I was so beat up from years of being in survival mode and gritting through life trying to keep it all together.  At the time I accepted these habits as something mama deserved after working so hard all day. Because holding down a full-time job, being the breadwinner for my family, raising two small children under the age of 4 – that is tough stuff! But really, these habits were not relaxing. They were numbing. A means to distract myself from asking the tough questions – the biggies being, “is this really life? Is this it? Do I even like this? What exactly am I doing here?”

I believe that waking up to this honest realization has saved my life. Because I was not living before, I was surviving.

Listen mama, I’m no Madonna here – I still enjoy the good bachelorette binge or Thursday night wine sesh with a gal pal. I didn’t deactivate social media [but I did do a healthy purge of “friends” and began following inspirational and soulful influencers]. But I will tell you that as soon as I started to be intentional about how I was spending my precious free time my world opened up. At first it was WORSE (detox anyone?) – but quickly it got better.

Because in that time I began a dialogue with myself about who I am and what I want. I reflected on motherhood, career, marriage, friendships, family. This journey has led me to a deeper connection to myself, my children, my husband and my world.

And seeing the light is glorious and want that you for you too.

So mama, you got time. And taking that time will lead you to YOUR best life. I know it.

So do what you got to do. For some of you that will mean waking up 10 minutes earlier than your kids for some precious journaling. For others that mean choosing to meditate for 5 minutes before turning on Netflix. Those of you that want to hit the peddle to the meddle – do BOTH and book a solo weekend away from the grind and take that time.

Because mama, you don’t just deserve it, you owe it to yourself and those you love to do more than just survive.

Your best version of you is already inside, now go find her.

Need some extra support? As a life coach for mamas I’m dedicated to supporting you to live this life.

motherhoodKelly Brusch