When my daughters were 6 months and 3 years old I opened my eyes and realized I was not OK.
From the outside perspective I had it all: a great husband, two darling children, a big house in a metropolitan suburb, a wonderful full-time job that was fulfilling, great relationships with my family, lots of friends, and a dog and cat to boot. I practiced “self-care” and “me time” by scheduling massages, date nights, girls nights, and pedicures. I exercised regularly and ate fairly well. My life was a completed check box of everything I thought I needed to be happy.
So why is it when there were brief moments of quiet did I feel anxious and depressed? Why were my evenings full of numbing behaviors? Why was I always so overwhelmed and tired?
Everything I “had” was exactly what I set out to achieve. I created this. I also wouldn’t have it any other way – I love my husband, children, and job. But it’s like I woke up one day and thought, “Is this it?”
I began to have visions of the years to come and didn’t love what I saw. I saw my bright, creative, and soulful first born drifting away as she grew up with a mama who was controlling, short fused, and “always busy”. I saw my extremely patient and kind husband at his wits end over my constant criticism. I saw a sparkling clean home being run by a robot on autopilot.
These dark, honest moments shook me to my deepest parts and I realized I had had enough. I had enough of this self-imposed idea of what my life should look like and began a deep and soulful journey to re-discover who I actually was.
I am grateful to say that today I have woken from this robotic state and have learned how to reconnect to my true self. Every day I work hard to stay on this path and I have never felt more joy. The beautiful thing is that nothing in my external world has changed. For the first time, I do not seek happiness through a change or achievement from an outside source. It did not taking leaving my job, moving to a new house, having another baby, or buying something new (been there and it didn't work!) to find joy. I am humbled by this journey and feel called to guide women to find their way back to happiness.
With over 10 years of experience in counseling and coaching I have arrived at my purpose, to coach mothers who want to find joy, meaning, and fulfillment in their daily life. My hope is for women to rediscover their childhood selves. Their unique soul's and life’s purpose. To return to their natural, playful spirits and remember it is not their job to hold it all together.